Promises and Pain
by ProfTweety
Summary: Tag 3.17: It had taken them three times to get to this point, this place where they now were. It had taken anger, harsh words, whispers and caresses. It had taken tears together and separately for them to reach their final understanding of what they were. More than friends, so much more, lovers in fact, but it had taken them three times to get that settled between them.
1. Chapter 1

_**Promises and Pain- Ch 1**_

**Disclaimer**: None of these characters are mine; James Duff, et al, has that lovely distinction.

**A/N**: Those scenes with Jack and Sharon were quite powerful. I'm always happy to hear comments of any kind. Hope you enjoy!

~~~~~PT~~~~~

It had taken them three times to get to this point, this place where they now were. It had taken anger, harsh words, whispers and caresses. It had taken tears together and separately for them to reach their final understanding of what they were. More than friends, so much more, lovers in fact, but it had taken them three times to get that settled between them. To be comfortable with their new relationship beginning and their pasts put where they belonged.

* * *

><p>She had come home tired, exhausted really, but she was hurt and angry and sorry for what had happened the past two days or so. Jack. Jack had happened. <em>Again<em>. The key she should've demanded back. The lock. The damn lock she should've changed. They both had told her to do it, Andy and Rusty, separately and together, had told her to change the lock. But she thought of the inconvenience of changing it, getting new keys for everyone and she thought of Jack. He wouldn't use it since they're now divorced. He'd only use it if he was drinking and he wasn't. But, of course he was. Drinking and gambling both. _Again_.

She thought of Ricky teasing her about her storage code being the same as it always was. That's how he could get the Christmas Village. She thought of her lock being the same one to match the key Jack still held on his keychain. She thought of her life and how things seemed different, so very different, but how it was very much the same in so many respects. This was her home. This was her life. She didn't need to make changes. Oh but she did have to, in the end she realized that.

She felt the anger and the shame and the sorrow flow together and almost become too strong for even her to hide. She apologized again to Rusty as she grabbed the aerosol can. All she had to do was neutralize where Jack had been and he'd be gone. Though she knew better, she began spraying.

Noticing Rusty was relatively unfazed by his interactions with Jack, she sprayed one chair. Replaying Jack's latest words in her mind, the uncivil ones and the apologies, she sprayed the other. Cataloging every apology he offered her throughout their marriage, she couldn't even say their life together, she sprayed the couch. As the cloud of fumes grew, she finished cataloging and felt the tears begin. She continued spraying every part of that couch like her life and sanity depended on it. She sprayed to cleanse. She sprayed to blame the tears on the fumes. She sprayed to give herself anything to concentrate on, anything other than the pain she felt from Jack. _Again_.

She thought she heard someone at the door. Andy. Bad timing. She was busy. She was spraying. And trying not to cry. Because tears were power and Jack wouldn't get that from her. Not anymore. Andy. She heard Rusty say she wasn't in a good place. Say he was quoting Dr Joe. Andy. She sprayed because if she looked at him, she'd want his arms around her. She'd want what he offered and God he offered her so much. If only she was brave enough to get beyond her past. To get beyond Jack. Andy. She found new places on the couch to spray, to cleanse, to hide her tears, to not look at her friend who had told her he wanted more. Had told her he'd wait for her to work things through. Well she hadn't. Not yet. So she sprayed.

She heard him ask Rusty what was wrong with her. Why she was crying. Saw Rusty look at her for approval, which she gave him instantly. It took it off her to explain. To tell him Jack was still in her life because she didn't change the lock. That damn lock. Andy. She heard his angry responses, his apology to Rusty. It wasn't him he was angry at. It was Jack. And Sharon. All she had to do was change that damn lock. She listened and she sprayed. And she cried. And she let him hold her.

She let it all out, or so she thought. She'd find out later she hadn't. She let it all out in his arms. God he felt good. And God he felt safe. Andy. She wanted more than friends too but now wasn't the time. He was holding her, caressing her, whispering to her that she'd be okay. That he had her. She was okay. But she wasn't. Because he had mentioned the lock when she had finally stopped sniffling. He had asked her why she hadn't changed it. Why she had let Jack stay in her life. She knew he had the key. Andy. He wanted to know why she always let Jack in. Her life. Her home. Was he still in her heart? She was horrified at the thought. No, he wasn't.

"I didn't think he'd use it."

"But he did. And he will again. You know he will."

"He said he's sorry. He's going back to AA."

"_Again_."

She had moved back. Moved the spray can from the couch where he put it to the coffee table. She looked at him. So angry. So hurt. So confused. So more than friendly. What was that? Even her mind wasn't making sense now.

"Why didn't you change the lock?"

"Because it's my home."

"So it's none of my business. I get it, Sharon."

"No, you don't, Andy. We're divorced. He had no right come to my home."

"But he did. And he had a key."

She saw it all on his face, in his eyes. His voice was a quiet anger. But his eyes showed the hurt, the doubt he felt about them. Jack hurt her, she hurt Andy. Vicious cycle her mind told her to break.

She had been quiet too long and he was walking away. Away from her? Definitely. Away from them? She hoped not. With everything she couldn't yet explain, she hoped not.

"I don't love him, Andy. Haven't in a long time."

"They why, Sharon?" So soft, so sad.

"I'll change the lock. Immediately."

"Why?" He wasn't looking at her. She needed him to let her see his eyes.

"Because it's the right thing to do." She shuddered. "It's what I should've done when I filed. Or at least when it was finalized."

She saw him rub his face. Scrub it like he does during difficult cases. "Okay."

"Because it's not good for Rusty to come home to a drunk who should be out of our lives."

"True."

She walked over to him. Touched him softly, hesitantly. "Because it's important to you."

He finally turned and she saw his eyes once again. So sad, eyes tearing up. "Don't worry about me. I'm just a friend, remember."

That brought her tears forth once more. She wasn't sure why. Couldn't explain the ache in her heart either. Then she saw it. God were his eyes expressive. The way he looked at her said so much.

"You're not just a friend, Andy. I don't love Jack anymore. It's important to you I change the lock. I will, I'll change it."

"I'll go half."

"You will not." She was in his arms again. Completely wrapped up exactly where she wanted to be. "It's my problem. My responsibility."

"We can share."

"Not yet." She chanced looking up at him. Let him come so close to kissing her. Fighting her own desire to let it happen. Finally. But she moved away at the last second. "I'm sorry. I need to – I don't want the past and present to collide. I need it separate."

He moved away from her. Was no longer touching her. "That'll never happen."

"It will. It has to." Her voice sounded desperate. She grabbed the spray can again. "Okay, it won't. But I don't want it to be today. It's too much, Andy. I can't. I'm sorry. She was crying again. And spraying.

He went to hold her. She couldn't risk her emotions. She couldn't take chances. Not today. "I want you here, Andy, I do, but please leave." She had whispered it and he heard the pain.

"Okay, Sharon, another time then. I'll be here."

She watched him let himself out. She saw Rusty's confused face. He was there, the whole time? Jack didn't rattle him. This clearly had. She gave up spraying. Sinking down on the soaked couch, she covered her face and tried to make herself as small as she could.

Rusty spoke softly to her, nervously. He didn't know what to do for her so he held her. It had worked with Andy. He held her and called her Mom and told her it'd be okay. Told her Andy wasn't leaving for good.

And the realization hit her. She had asked him for time to figure things out. He gave it. She had accepted his embrace yet asked him to leave. He did. One day he wouldn't come back. _That_ was her fear. Andy. She didn't want to lose him.

[TBC]


	2. Chapter 2

_**Promises and Pain- Ch 2**_

**Disclaimer**: None of these characters are mine; James Duff, et al, has that lovely distinction.

**A/N**: Those scenes with Jack and Sharon were quite powerful. Tag to 3.17. I'm always happy to hear comments of any kind. Hope you enjoy!

~~~~~PT~~~~~

She had let herself cry. For her children, all of them. For Jack, the broken promises and broken love. For Andy, the potential for love, the hurt they both felt today. When she got herself back together, she thanked Rusty and apologized for everything her mind came up with to be sorry about.

Telling him she needed to shower, she asked him to order out. Crying in the hot stream, she found, was what she needed to once again pull herself together. She found that she was mostly thinking of the sadness and disappointment she'd see in her children's eyes when she told them their father was drinking again. And gambling. That he had come to her home and let himself in. Slept off his drunken stupor on her couch like the old days. After that, she thought of Andy and how much he meant to her. How easily it would've been to let him kiss her. How much she needed him. Her rational side told her it wasn't fair to Andy. It wasn't fair to just need him when she saw so much more than that in his eyes. Every other part of her told it was okay. Told her he'd let her. He'd be there for her.

After drying off, she found a comfortable pair of sweats that Emily bought for her years ago when she was very sick. They were too big on her. But paired with a fitted t-shirt and the zippered top Emily bought to match, she was beyond comfortable. She let her hair dry naturally, curling as it wanted.

After a pleasant dinner with Rusty during which they actually just talked as mother and son would, she put a blanket over each chair so they'd have a dry place to sit. Rusty sat on the floor so she followed him. He turned the TV on absentmindedly, keeping the volume low.

"What are you more afraid of? Jack showing up or Andy leaving?" he asked nervously.

"Andy leaving me."

That response gave him all the information he needed. It answered all his questions about where they were in the relationship since the talk before The Nutcracker. "He didn't leave you. I've seen leaving, Sharon, and that – that looking nothing like it."

The painful thoughts of what this wonderful boy had seen in his short years on this earth made her gasp. "Sometimes people leave quietly." She sighed and sniffled. "I asked him to go."

"So ask him to come back." He made it seem so easy.

"That's not fair."

"Sharon, you sound like more than friends. You looked like it today too. More than you two usually do."

"Not a topic to discuss with you."

"Okay. You want your spray back? I think you missed a spot."

Her eyes opened wider, wondering how on God's green earth she would've missed anything. Then she realized what he was doing. "No way I missed a spot, _Beckin_."

"Not with the way you were going at it, _Mom_." He saw the smile she gave him was real. "You okay now?"

"I still want Andy to come back but yes I'm okay."

It was later in the evening, she was in bed, crying again. Her body wouldn't seem to run out of tears. Or reasons for her to let them go. She heard her phone ping. Reading it, she was confused. It was Andy, texting her he was at her door. When she opened it, she saw him dressed in sweats and a t-shirt, much like herself. Looking down, she saw the overnight bag he always teased her about lately. That it'd end up on her bedroom floor when she was done figuring things out. There'd be no following the rules of dating etiquette for them, he had told her warmly one night after a dinner out together.

Moving back, she let him in. His arms moved around her the instant she closed the door. Her need for him reared its ugly head again and she tried her damndest to fight it. Apparently she didn't try hard enough because this time when he went to kiss her, she let him. What started out a soft caress on the lips became a passionate kiss full of need and desire and knowledge that they were indeed more than friends.

When they moved apart, rather than offer to make coffee as she knew rationally she should have, she reached to pick his bag off the floor, taking his hand in her free one, and led him down the hall to her bedroom.

Once inside, there were no words spoken, nothing more than their passionate kisses filled the room. Nothing more, that is, until she fully gave in to just needing him. She knew what she was doing as she pulled his shirt over his head, as she kissed him harder and let her hands explore his body, feel what she did to him. He was moving too slow for her, too hesitantly, so she removed her own t-shirt, watching his eyes grow darker than she'd ever seen them. He wanted her, she knew; she needed him, but he thought it was something else, something more. She kissed him anyway.

Knowing in both her heart and mind that it was wrong not to tell him it was just need, she pulled at his sweats, covered his desire with her hand, moving it slowly up and down, making him quiver. He stepped out of his pants, hands pulling her sweats down as he moved. Passionate kisses grew hotter as he let his hands explore her body, held her as she stepped out of her pants. Not wanting him to let her go, she moved him with her closer to her bed. He lifted her slightly to get her to lie down. She pulled him with her as she quickly climbed onto the mattress, both moving as one until they were lying down, wrapped in each other.

His passion matched her need and they shed the remainder of their clothes quickly. The way he looked at her as they became one brought the tears flowing again. He kissed them away, murmuring loving words to her that only made the tears flow more.

He was a slow, gentle, passionate lover and at some point her tears dried up and her need for him subsided, leaving only desire in its place. This was the first time they were making love and she had almost ruined it with her need. Oh but there was still time to mess things up as she would soon learn.

When he told her he loved her, she responded that she wanted him too. She saw the flicker of pain in his eyes so she kissed him as passionately as she could. She'd make it seem like she hadn't heard him. He seemed to believe she hadn't because he responded in kind, relishing her body in a way she was sure even Jack had never done. Movements and positions she had never experienced before but was experiencing now with Andy. He was loving her on so many levels and the guilt she felt should've made her stop but she didn't. Not even when she heard him say it again. It was just as soft as the first time and she again pretended not to hear.

As they lie together, breathing becoming regular once more, she realized he wanted to sleep. To sleep _there_. And panic set in about what that meant when she had just needed him; hadn't fully thought out where she wanted to go with him as far as their more than friends relationship went. She moved out of his embrace, instantly feeling ashamed for hurting someone who loved her. Wasn't that what she was always so angry at Jack for doing? Hurting her time and time again? Yet here she was, doing it to Andy.

"Where you going?" he mumbled, turning to follow her with heavy lidded eyes.

"Cleaning up. You should too."

He sat up at the tone of her voice. "What's wrong?"

"You should go," she whispered, tears threatening to flow again. "I'm sorry, Andy, I am _so_ sorry."

He sprang from the bed, grabbing his clothes in one sweep. He was obviously very good at leaving after sex. But this, he thought was more. This was Sharon. They had just made love. She had quickly moved into her en-suite bathroom to avoid any further conversation. Coming out in her robe, she found him fully dressed, waiting for her.

"What was this, Sharon?" he asked, sadly, already knowing the answer.

She thought of lying but she'd just committed the mother of all lies of omission so she gave the sad, brutally honest truth. "I needed you, Andy. I know I messed up and I'm sorry. I am _so_ sorry."

"You sound like _Jack_." He grabbed his bag but before he opened her door, he spat out, "Guess he rubbed off on you after all."

She tried to say something, anything, but no words came. She went out to the hallway, saw him let himself out once again, and returned to her room. Sitting on her bed, crying, she thought of his parting words. Had she learned from Jack after all? She certainly acted like it with Andy just now. But she didn't think she was acting like Jack. She thought she was acting like herself. Scared, cautious, rational Sharon. Except emotions had taken over today and she wasn't used to that. _Not_ _at_ _all_.

As she lay down to sleep, or at least try to, she smelled him on her linens. Wrapping herself up in them, she pulled the pillow he had briefly used under her arm.

She had sent him home, asked him to leave, twice in one day. She had ruined the first time they were together. She had hurt him. She had most likely ruined their relationship as well as any chance of maintaining a friendship with him.

Mourning what she'd lost, knowing it was her own damn fault, she cried herself to sleep. The last thing she smelled before drifting off was Andy. The last words she recalled were _I_ _love_ _you_.

[TBC]


	3. Chapter 3

_**Promises and Pain- Ch 3**_

**Disclaimer**: None of these characters are mine; James Duff, et al, has that lovely distinction.

**A/N**: Those scenes with Jack and Sharon were quite powerful. Tag to 3.17. I'm always happy to hear comments of any kind. Hope you enjoy!

**A/N 2**: Thanks for the reviews, favorites and follows. This was supposed to be a one-shot lil chapi. :0)

~~~~~PT~~~~~

[Mourning what she'd lost, knowing it was her own damn fault, she cried herself to sleep. The last thing she smelled before drifting off was Andy. The last words she recalled were _I_ _love_ _you_.]

She had slept well enough. Despite thinking she wouldn't be able to sleep a wink. She dreamt of her and Andy. Of their years of hostility while she was in IA. The Department changing the name to FID did nothing for their relationship. She was still the enemy to Andy. To all the _real_ cops busting their asses every day, as he had repeatedly told her.

She dreamt of how even their arguments had changed over the years. Still hostile but not as aggressive.

She dreamt of the blossoming friendship she never expected to have developed with him. Not in a million years. It was from that friendship she learned who the _real_ Andy was. Not the hot-headed, ill-tempered _Flynn_ she'd encountered over the years but the kind, protective, justice-oriented, passionate man _Andy_ really was. One just had to get past the hard exterior, the jaded language, to see his heart.

He had let her get beneath his skin. And she paid back his trust with pain. She had hurt him, used him. It occurred to her that if only she had told him the truth, he probably would've let her do it. That she let him think it was something real, that's why the hurt reared up clothed in anger.

When her alarm went off to start the day, the moment her feet hit the floor, she remembered that's where Andy had landed to pick up his clothes. To do as she had asked. To leave. After making love. For the first time together.

She _had_ acted like Jack. He was right. That certainly wasn't a Sharon thing. But it _was_ a Jack thing. Cold, insensitive, selfish. God she felt awful. And in pain. It was small comfort to find the pain solely existed for Andy.

A new day. Time to make things right.

After showering she dressed in her skinny jeans, fitted shirt and boots. He loved this outfit, she knew. It's why she was wearing it. Again forgoing the dryer, she let her hair dry naturally. He preferred when she didn't look perfect. He had teased her one day before a movie together that an imperfect Sharon was something he'd never have thought he'd ever get to see. She thought it silly at the time. Now she understood what he meant.

_But_ an imperfect Sharon could be reckless, could hurt people she cared deeply about, people she loved. Looking in the mirror, she wondered if that was true – if she loved him. Was she ready to admit it?

Grabbing her phone, she dialed Lt Provenza. Waiting for his gruff hello, she grimaced at the harsh _yeah_ she got instead. Reminding him it was just a paperwork day, she quickly informed him she was taking a sick day and he was in charge. Any emergencies, call. He grunted _yeah_ _okay_ and hung up.

Next she text Andy. _How are you? I'm sorry. Not like Jack, like me. I'm out today. Please go in. Lt Provenza is in charge._

She winced at his response. _I'm fine. Always am. I'm a big boy. Already on my way in._

Deciding to leave well enough alone for now, she went outside for coffee. She wasn't hungry but she definitely needed some caffeine. As she was pouring her first cup, she heard the ping of a text. Andy. _You okay? All that spraying make you sick? Air out the place today._

Her eyes misted at the thought of how much he cared about her. He couldn't help himself; couldn't stop himself from worrying about her. Even when he was hurt and angry. _Thanks, I will._ _Used a whole can. Probably too much._ He replied quickly. _You think._

She left it alone again. They'd talk later. Hopefully.

As she was deciding what to tell Rusty, he came shuffling out to the kitchen. "You're wearing that to work?"

"No, I took a sick day."

"Because you made him leave again?"

"How'd you –? Never mind. It's – it's…"

"Complicated, I know."

"It is."

"Love always is, Sharon."

He took a sip of her coffee be announcing his need for a shower.

"I'm going for a drive," she called after him.

"Be careful."

"Thank you."

* * *

><p>Before she knew it, she was in the mountains an hour away from her home. It had taken longer than an hour but that was LA traffic for you. It blows, to quote Andy.<p>

She didn't feel like skiing so she just sat in the lodge, drinking hot chocolate, pretending to read the book she had grabbed at the last moment before leaving.

Her mind only wanted to think about Andy. How he made her laugh. How she calmed him down. How they helped each other in so many ways. She gave up the pretense of reading when her mind moved on to other areas. How it felt when he held her. How it felt to kiss him, to touch him the way she did last night. The way they made love. Oh how they had made love.

She could feel her skin tingle, remembering his gentle caresses.

She didn't hear the older woman sit down and greet her at first. Lost in thought, she sipped her hot chocolate slowly, savoring the rich flavor of cocoa without interference from whip cream. Only Andy and Ricky made whip cream fun nowadays with their silly boyish ways of playing with it.

The woman touched her arm gently, asking if she was all right. Nodding yes, she returned to her thoughts. His tongue swirling around hers. His eyes getting darker the more aroused he became. His fingertips floating over her skin like a butterfly landing on flowers. The number of times he brought her to release, panting his name. The way he whispered he loved her. Twice. The look on his face when he couldn't hold off his own release any longer. Why did he look so sad?

He was a skilled lover, skilled on so many levels, and he hadn't held anything back. Hadn't left anything for their next time together. He gave it all to her last night. Had he somehow known?

The older woman didn't accept her nod as truthful. "You don't seem all right, Dear."

"I am thank you."

"You've lost someone? I looked like that when I lost my first husband."

"I'm sorry for your loss," Captain Raydor could appear at a second's notice.

"Oh, he didn't die." She chuckled softly. "He cheated and I threw his sorry ass out."

She didn't know what to make of that, what to say, so she remained silent. Eventually, she asked, "But you still missed him?"

"Oh, yes, I loved the damn bastard. Hurt like hell to find out what he did. Hurt again to rid myself of him too. You know, people didn't divorce back then."

"I know." Don't I know, she thought. "I was separated over twenty years before I finally got divorced."

"Old school, as the kids say."

"I guess," she answered quietly.

"Is it he you're missing?"

"Oh God no. I mean -…"

Patting her arm, she laughed. "It's okay. So what happened between you and your new fella?" Seeing the uncertain look in her eyes, the older woman assured her, "Oh, don't worry, Dear, I've seen some things in my time. I'm about to be eighty years old. That's why we're here, to celebrate. Use me as an impartial sounding board."

"I hurt him."

"Can you fix it?"

"I'm not sure."

"You want to?"

"Yes." She looked the woman in the eyes. She saw glimpses of her own mother. The easy smile, the twinkling eyes, the wrinkles probably well earned. "Yes, I do."

"Oh, I see. You love this fella."

"I – "

"It's all right, I found a new fella too. He was a tough old bastard when I met him. Thought my friend was a damned fool for setting us up. But he was a gentleman through and through." She pointed to the older man in front of the fireplace with what must've been their great-granddaughter. "Look at the old marshmallow."

The two women laughed at the man playing patty cake, apparently wrong, as the young girl kept correcting him. "First one's practice, he always said, second one's for keeps."

"I'm not quite sure -, I don't really understand."

"Your first spouse teaches you what not to do. If you're lucky and you get a good one for the second, that one teaches you how it should be done."

"I see. Yes, he's a good man."

"Then fix it." Getting up, "I'd better go save the old man from that game before he refuses to play it ever again."

"It was nice speaking with you."

"Same here. Good luck."

Fishing her phone out of her purse, she dialed Andy. He let it go to voicemail. She text him.

_Did you catch a case?_ No.

_Doing paperwork?_ Yes.

_I'm sorry._ I know.

_We need to talk. _We're good.

_Please, Andy. Tonight? I miss you._ Okay.

_Bring your bag._ Don't need it.

_Please?_ Fine.

She had barely had time to think about his brief answers when her phone vibrated again. She expected it was a follow up text from Andy. Maybe he was rethinking being so short with her? Noticing it was from Lt Provenza, she could feel her stomach tighten.

Only have so many details but you hurt him. _I didn't mean to_.

That's usually how it works. _I know. I'll fix it_.

Do. _How is he? Is he okay?_

Sad. Hurt. _I'll fix it_.

[TBC]


	4. Chapter 4

_**Promises and Pain- Ch 4**_

**Disclaimer**: None of these characters are mine; James Duff, et al, has that lovely distinction.

**A/N**: Those scenes with Jack and Sharon were quite powerful. Tag to 3.17. I'm always happy to hear comments of any kind. Hope you enjoy!

~~~~~PT~~~~~

The drive back took longer than the hour but not nearly as long as in had taken her to get there. Still not hungry once she was home, she made more coffee and tried to plan dinner. For her and Rusty. And _Andy_, if things worked out as she hoped.

Taking her coffee mug into the living room, she sat on the couch. She could still feel Andy on her body. Feel how much she had wanted to be with him last night. Realized again that at some point the need had ended and she had only wanted him. Wanted to be with him. Remembered his whispered _I love you_. How her heart constricted. How _I love you too_ had briefly crossed her mind. Before the panic set in. Before the fear of getting hurt by love again kicked her in the heart, twisting her words. _I want you too_. The pain in his eyes, when he looked up at her, before she tried to kiss it away. The pain on his face as he left. The end of her dream just before she woke up. _I love you, Andy_.

She needed to make this right.

Grabbing her purse and keys, she set out again. Andy's shift wasn't over yet so she had time to get something else off her chest. _Jack_. He didn't get to be the only one to speak. She had only thought of her children. _This isn't going to fly with Ricky and Emily_.

Rusty had stayed with him, talked some sense into him he'd told her that day. She had asked him for all the details and he had given them to her while she hid in her office at the end of the shift.

That is why she needed to clean by the time she got home. Erase him from her couch. From her condo. But he still thought he could be part of her _life_.

Their children were grown. She no longer had to play interference for them with their father. She had spoken up for her children but she hadn't spoken up for herself. It was about time she did. _Especially after what she did to Andy_.

Emily had told her where he lived and how to get there from her condo. During that Christmas holiday they spent together. All three of her children under one roof. Only Jack had wanted Emily to stay with him and of course she had. She mentioned little except she didn't like it. It was nothing like Sharon's condo.

For whatever reason she never figured out, she'd been given the directions from her place to his.

She had called. He was home.

Anger began to rise in her veins as she drove over there. Anger at _him_ for everything he'd put her and the children through over the years. Anger at _herself_ for letting him, for feeling sorry for him each and every time. Anger at _him_ for going to her home causing the tidal wave that swallowed her and Andy.

He was glad to see her when he opened the door. He was glad he'd only had one bottle of wine so far. He wasn't drunk. Well, he wasn't too drunk. But he called her _Shayrone_ and that was his tell. For a gambling man, he should've figured out by now he had tells. Her eyes blazed as she heard the pronunciation of her name. She stood just inside the entrance to his living room, purse still on her shoulder, hands jammed into her pockets.

"You're still drinking. You said you were going back to AA."

"It takes time, Shayrone, everyone can't be Andy."

The anger moved from only her veins to include her arteries now. "You leave Andy out of this. He's sober! And for almost 20 years."

"The tone, Shayrone, the tone."

"The slurs, Jack, the slurs." Oh yes, she was angry and hurt and sad. That remark was not kind but she'd let herself slide just this once. This was the _imperfect_ Sharon. "You're in AA. You should be sober. At least you didn't come to my home again."

"Learned my lesson last time," he shrugged.

"Why'd you still have the key? Why'd you let yourself in?"

"You gave me the key. I used it to get in. No one answered."

"You were my husband. You are no longer my husband, Jack, therefore you do not get a key. You do not get to come to my home. You do not get to just drop by my office whenever you feel like it."

"What's got you in a tizzy? Shayrone, I think you need to sit down. I'll clear a spot for you. Want a drink?" Seeing the fire burn in her eyes, he added, "Bad joke, I know. But if you do want one, oh wait, I finished the bottle. You want the money? I didn't leave it in your office. It's here somewhere. Take it. I owe you."

Tears came to her eyes. _She had hurt Andy for this_?! "Oh my God, what have I done?" She covered her mouth with her hand to stop the sob.

"You regretting the divorce? Noticing the tears, "Hey, what's going on? The place isn't all that bad."

"You think I'd cry over the state of your apartment?" she asked in astonishment.

"Hey, hey, what's going on? The kids all right? What's the matter? You can tell me. C'mere, tell ole Jack what's making you so sad." He tried to caress her face but she blocked his hand.

Her eyes flashed a Darth Raydor glare at him. "Don't you dare touch me!"

Hands up in surrender, "Okay, okay, geez you're touchy today."

"How could you show up _at_ _my_ _home_ drunk with gambling money?"

"To apologize and to give you some of the money I owe you. You know you did really well adjusting after the divorce. Me? Not so good."

"You don't get to blame me anymore. I am _not_ the reason you drink. That divorce was a long time coming. I even gave you notice I was going to file. I am _not_ responsible for your addictions." She choked back a sob. "You are an alcoholic, Jack, _you_."

"Andy's been explaining things, I see."

"Do not even speak to me about _Andy_."

"Touchy subject. Okay, off limits Andy. How 'bout Rusty? He off limits too? Cuz he made a lot of good points when I sobered up. He's a good kid actually."

"For a street rat, Jack, he's a good kid for a street rat hustler?"

"Yeah, about that, I'm sorry for saying that."

"My God, Jack, you're always _so_ _very_ _sorry_. That boy had to do the very same thing for his mother that he did for you. That part of his life is over and you selfishly brought it right back."

"I'm sorry, I really am. I didn't think."

"That's your problem, Jack, you never _think_ about anyone but yourself. When are you going to stand up, pull yourself together, stop being selfish and stop blaming everyone else?"

"I'm trying, Shayrone, I really am. I get it this time. I lost you." He gave her his saddest look. She actually found herself wondering if he meant it this time or not. Or if this was like all the other times he'd said these same words to her.

"You lost my love a long time ago." The misty eyes were now tears that were blurring her vision.

"You still love me, Shayrone, don't lie to yourself. You've always acted like you do."

"_Acted_, Jack, I haven't loved you in a long time. I've felt sorry for you. I've loved you as the father of my children. I haven't loved you as my _husband_ in a very long time."

"But those times whenever I stayed with you, we made love. Well, except for once you took Rusty in."

"No, we had _sex_. I wasn't going to date anyone while I was married but I sometimes had needs and you - …" The sob caught in her throat.

"I satisfied them. Wow. Okay. That's why you wanted it to be safe sex."

She sighed, "Our children are grown. You and Ricky and Emily can communicate without involving me. I'm not going to help you anymore, Jack. It's time you stood on your own two feet."

"Well, I'm certainly trying."

"Don't come to my home – _ever_. Don't come to my office unless it's absolutely necessary. I don't want you in my life as anything other than the father of my _grown_ children and my _ex_-husband."

"Okay, understood, will do. But, Shayrone, what's got you so upset? So riled up?"

"Someone said I was like you. That you rubbed off on me. I am _not_ like you, Jack." The sob escaped her lips.

"Hey, honey, you don't have to convince me. You are _nothing_ like me. Whoever said you are is a damn fool. You haven't changed in all these years."

She took a deep breath. "I _have_ changed. I'm not the same wide-eyed, naïve, innocent girl you married."

"Nope, that you're not. Being a cop, that'll kill the naïveté."

"_You_ did, Jack, but I'm not like you. No matter how different I am from that girl I was on our wedding day, I am _still_ not like you."

"No, you're not. No worries there." He really looked at her now. "No offense, Shayrone, but you're kinda not looking so great like you usually do."

"Thank you."

"Sarcasm, you still got it. So you must really care about this person who said that cuz you don't normally give a rat's ass what people say about you."

"When it's said after I've hurt someone, yes, Jack, I pay attention." She grabbed her purse tighter to her shoulder, took her keys from her jacket pocket and stood straighter than she already was. "I will _never_ be like you. Go to AA. Stay sober. Do it for yourself and Ricky and Emily. I don't factor into it anymore," she hesitated, "if I ever did."

"You did, as much as I could manage it."

"Do not come to my _home_ ever again. I had the lock changed. I've told Rusty not to let you in. If you show up and create a disturbance outside my door, the police will be called to handle it. We are _divorced_. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand, Jack?"

"You've moved on. Got it." That could be the only reason she's acting this way, he thought. She wouldn't be so riled up if she hadn't moved onto someone else already.

"_Good_-_bye_, Jack."

"Uh, yeah, uh, good-bye, _Sharon_, uh you take care now. I will never darken your doorstep again. It was good talking uh listening to you."

She drove home carefully, her blood only slightly boiling. She hoped she had gotten through to him but she still had that nagging feeling that she hadn't.

Once parked, she sat in her car crying. She had done it. _Finally_. And she had maintained her grace and her language throughout, for the most part. She had finally spoken up for herself and gotten her point across. _Hopefully_.

Going upstairs, she realized Andy would require a different tactic. She had to listen to him; let him be angry; let him be hurt. And then she wanted nothing more than to hold him, and let him cry if he so chose and maybe tell him she loves him. And hope they could move on from there.

[TBC]


	5. Chapter 5

_**Promises and Pain- Ch 5**_

**Disclaimer**: None of these characters are mine; James Duff, et al, has that lovely distinction.

**A/N**: Those scenes with Jack and Sharon were quite powerful. Tag to 3.17. I'm always happy to hear comments of any kind. Hope you enjoy!

~~~~~PT~~~~~

_Our actions affect not us alone._

They had hated each other at one point in their careers. When he was drinking and in trouble often, he hated her. That damn rulebook she lived by. Well he had told her often enough where she could put that book.

They had tolerated each other much better once he sobered up. He was still in trouble, usually for his incessant flirting but his temper still flared quite often. More than it should, according to Madame Rulebook. As far as his flirting was concerned, she was a damn prude. Her poor husband even said so.

Oh, but she hadn't been a prude when he was with her. No, she had wanted everything he gave her without hesitation. And she had given him as much as she had gotten. But he was getting ahead of himself he knew when he felt himself respond to the mere thought of being with her.

He had been right there with the rest of his team in making fun of her behind her back when she was auditing them. When she was trying to figure out who the mole was. They hadn't known that part right away. She could keep a secret, that's for sure. It's probably one of her rules. Oh yeah it is – confidentiality. She'd mentioned it to him many times. What was in his jacket stayed there. What was in her head definitely stayed there.

_Stay away from the Captain_

As they began spending more time together he soon learned she lived her life that way too. What was in her heart most definitely stayed there. Once they had finally really gotten to know each other, then they had both shared. Trusting each other to keep one another's secrets.

Provenza was right when he called him on his crush after only a few months of working for her. It was only natural for him to want to spend time with her. And she wanted to be around him too. It gave him hope. Hope had a definite road block though. _Jack_. She was still married and she didn't date. But then she had wanted to adopt Rusty and that meant divorcing Jack. Yes, she'd be free soon. That road block was going away.

_You have an awful lot of dinners with the Captain_

He had started asking her out, not dating of course, but asking her out more often. And she kept accepting. And they kept getting closer and sharing more of themselves with each other.

His crush had deepened over time and he knew he liked her. Liked her as much more than a friend. She hadn't realized a thing until the night of The Nutcracker. Damn had they talked after that.

Eventually he had gotten enough nerve to tell her wanted to be more than friends. Sharon can definitely be a deer in the headlights at times. When he saw that look on her face, it was too many emotions for him to try to figure out. So he had told her to take her time. Told her to think about it. Told her he'd wait for her to figure it out.

_Stay away from the Captain_

He had taken to checking on her at home. She seemed to like when he showed up. He felt comfortable there. Knew where everything was. In the main living areas anyway. He'd only dreamt of what it'd be like to be in her bedroom. Damn those dreams had been good _and_ explicit. Many a morning he had needed a cold shower. Many an evening too, depending on what she wore to work. Depending on how close she let him get. Depending on whether they were having one of their many non-dates.

Their flirting had picked up but she was still somewhat shy about it. He thought it was cute. Provenza said it made him want to vomit. What did he know anyway? He was the guy looking to break up with a good woman because things were going too well in their relationship. Damn weirdo. _And he thinks I'm nuts for having a thing for Sharon_?

The last few cases had been really rough ones but they found comfort in each other. If he could think of a reason to stop by her place, he would go. They were at the point now where she didn't feel the need to stay in her work clothes around him. Must've been the baseball game. He'd even seen her in sweats since that day. Though that didn't happen often.

_There's not a rule she's met that she hasn't followed_

Sweats. He knew she was off during Julio's case. Rusty came in about an emergency at the condo. She hadn't mentioned a thing to him though. She just looked upset. Of course he had gone to check on her. Only to find her crying, cleaning the couch like a fiend, and Rusty saying she wasn't in a good place. Jack had come over drunk and let himself in. Damnit. He had told her to change the lock. Hell he would've paid for it himself. Not that she couldn't afford it. She just _hadn't_.

But she said she didn't love Jack and she'd change it. For him and Rusty. _For_ _him_. She had no idea what that meant to him. He felt it inside and he knew he was in deep. God he loved that woman. Infuriating as she could be. The kiss almost happened but she asked him to leave. He was used to giving her space. He did it without thought. Then the kid text him that night. She was in a bad place. He had gone over. To her. _For_ _her_.

Her clothes were too big for her. She was upset. She seemed small and fragile. Of the many ways he had seen her, he'd never seen her like that. His natural instinct was to hold her. Why he brought the bag, he wasn't sure. Hope? But he had brought it and she didn't mention it. She had gone willingly into his arms. She wasn't crying but there was something he couldn't read. And he had learned to read her very well by then.

He knew he loved her. Knew she was conflicted. But he had kissed her anyway and God did she respond. It was better than any dream he'd ever had of them. He knew he shouldn't have gone into her bedroom. But she seemed all right about suggesting it. Hell she was carrying his bag. Maybe she had made up her mind and was telling him now. Like this. Words could come later. Much later apparently.

Because in that room, she was not the shy Sharon he knew. She was passionate and forceful and knew what she wanted. _Him_. She had wanted him as much as he wanted her. This was the new beginning he had hoped for. When he saw the tears, he thought he had hurt her. Then he realized he had walked in on the hurt. _Jack_. Her passion. Her force. Did she just need him? Would it be over tomorrow? Would the light of day bring her back to reality? He had thought of all this as he realized she couldn't stop touching him. He let himself enjoy it. God he loved her.

He had felt the change in her while they were making love. Felt her become the Sharon he knew. Then he had slipped. He told her he loved her. Damnit, not while he wasn't sure if it was just need. Maybe it'd help? Hope. She had pretended not to hear him. But the stiffening of her body told him she did. She wasn't ready for this. _For_ _them_. He hadn't let her know. Kissing and making love was what she wanted. Needed? He had hoped he could help her decide that night. Last night. Damn it seems so long ago already.

He had given her everything he had. Then he had told her again. Hope. He had hoped she'd acknowledge it this time. But she hadn't, not verbally. He had given her all of him. Damn. He was getting too old for this. Was it even worth it? Hope. It was worth the possibility of what they could become. Then she had hit him with it.

She had asked him to leave. Right after they had made love. He had been hurt and for him hurt almost always leads to anger. He felt used. So much for honesty. So much for the rules. Hope. He wasn't a crier but there were some tears in his eyes as he drove out of the condo's garage. He was pissed. What the hell just happened? Hope. His hope right at that moment had been for continued sobriety. He had gone to an AA meeting. He had shared his story; briefly, but shared nonetheless. It had felt good to get it off his chest.

_I told you to stay away from the Captain_

By the time he got home all he wanted to do was go to bed. His own bed. He had thought of showering her off him. He had thought of keeping her on him. He had text Provenza.

_You were right_. It was late but he had gotten _about what_ in reply.

_Stay away from her_. Damnit Flynn! What the hell'd you do?

_I love her_. Oh no, you don't get to say that.

_I did. She doesn't. Hit a meeting. Good for now_. Go before work too. _Definitely_.

In the end, he had left her on him. Addicts can get morose sometimes. He didn't dream of her that night. He had forgotten what that was like. In the morning, he scrubbed her off him. Sadness was gone. Hope of them was gone too. He was angry and felt like an idiot. Damn he was getting too old for this.

He had gone to another meeting before work. Coming out he had answered her text. She was sorry. _Just_ _like_ _Jack_. She had learned from him. As the day drew on, he had become angrier at her. He wanted to yell at her. He wanted to hurt her emotionally like she had hurt him. He wanted to have nothing to do with her outside of work. Hope. He was done with that crap.

Apparently his fuming was obvious to his colleagues. Provenza had made him hit a lunchtime meeting. They had talked afterwards. He had briefly shared the events of last night. He had given a nice little summary for his best friend to better understand the anger and the need for so many meetings. Rather than berate him, call him an idiot, or say I told you so, he was angry for him. Angry at her. When he had voiced aloud that he loved her, his friend just looked sad and said _I'm_ _sorry_. If he never heard those words again it'd be too soon.

_My best friend's an idiot_

She had called, he ignored it. He didn't want to hear her voice. Didn't want to talk to her. He wanted to yell at her. So he had ignored it. But then she text him. She hadn't been kidding about the Irish guilt _or_ the Catholic guilt. Double whammy in her case. He had answered. One word answers was all he had thought she deserved.

He had agreed to meet her. To talk. She missed him. God he loved her. Okay, they'd talk. They'd yell. They'd clear the air. Once and for all. Provenza let him out a bit early to hit a meeting before he went to Sharon's. He had. They really helped.

It had been a long time since he had given himself so completely to a woman. Only to have her slam the door in his face, crush his heart with her high heels. And tell him she's sorry. If only she hadn't said that. _Sorry_. That was the word that put him over the edge into anger. Not _I needed you, Andy_. That he could handle. _I'm sorry_. _I'm so sorry_. That had made him lash out at her. That had hurt him. _I'm sorry_. The first time they made love together. And she was sorry. Hope. Fuck hope. She was _sorry_.

He wanted to yell at her. She literally backed away when people yelled at her. Learned behavior, he knew. _I'm_ _so_ _sorry_ was learned behavior as well. If only Rusty hadn't text him. If only he hadn't gone. Hope. Who the hell believed in that anymore? He was over it.

He had agreed to talk to her. To bring his bag. For what, he didn't know. It's not like he was staying over. It's not like he was making love with her. He wanted to yell at her. This time if she cried, they'd be tears for him. Not _Jack_.

Because he wanted to hurt her back. He wanted the tears to be for _him_. He wasn't a crier but he had cried that morning in the shower as he had scrubbed her off him. Damnit, he had cried. He had put too much into their lovemaking. He had given her his heart and she had handed it back in pieces. It had been a long time. He had cried because he was hurt and angry and because he loved her. Hope. Fuck hope.

As he stepped inside his home to pick up his bag, details from last night hit him again. _Clarity_ did too. She didn't mean to hurt him, he knew that. God he loved her. If he yelled at her, she deserved it. If he hurt her, he was as bad as she was. If he made her cry, he'd want to hold her, comfort her. That would lead to wanting to kiss her and make love again. He'd stay and he shouldn't.

_But she is Sharon that's her name_

He wanted to yell and leave. To at least let her know how it feels. She did though. _Jack_. He did that to her. _He_ couldn't do that to her also. He'd yell. He'd definitely do that. She deserved it.

God he loved her. He hoped their talk cleared everything up. Hope. He was in too deep to give up now.

He text her before pulling out of his driveway. _You home_? Just got back in. Are you on your way?

_Was but decided to hit a meeting first_. Are you okay?

_Yes, preventative. Give me an hour_. Okay, see you then.

_Should I pick up dinner_? It'll get cold. We can order after we talk. Have a good meeting, Andy.

God he loved her. But he still wanted to yell at her. Just a little bit. Because he was angry and hurt. Hope. Maybe she'd let it slip that she felt the same way. Because damnit he was getting too old for this.

[TBC]


	6. Chapter 6A

_**Promises and Pain- Ch 6A**_

**Disclaimer**: None of these characters are mine; James Duff, et al, has that lovely distinction.

**A/N**: Those scenes with Jack and Sharon were quite powerful. Tag to 3.17. I'm always happy to hear comments of any kind. Hope you enjoy!

**A/N 2**: Apologies for the delay in posting this. RL got in the way. Snow + skidding into a permanent inanimate object = totaled car. No personal injuries. :-0) No damage to anything other than my car, fortunately, but unfortunately for my poor car. Today is life!

~~~~~PT~~~~~

_Going upstairs, she realized Andy would require a different tactic. She had to listen to him; let him be angry; let him be hurt. And then she wanted nothing more than to hold him, and let him cry if he so chose and maybe tell him she loves him. And hope they could move on from there. _

* * *

><p>He had text Provenza after he got out of the meeting. <em>Going over to Sharon's<em>. He got his reply immediately as if his friend had been waiting for it. _Good Luck_. He had thought of replying _I'll need it_. Instead he just typed _Thanks_ and hit send.

His mind was cluttered on the drive over there. Anger, hurt and sadness each brought thoughts out of their own. Desire piped in its own thoughts and memories. Love was the last one to show up, having traveled from his heart. Hope. He hoped this had a good ending.

Her day had been filled with ups and downs: the dreams, up; the memory of hurting Andy, down; the drive to the mountains, neutral; the small chat with the older woman, up; the short responses she'd gotten from Andy, down; the one-sided conversation with Jack, up.

She knew this conversation she was about to have would be very difficult. He loved her. She had hurt him. There was so much to explain to him and to listen to him say to her. So many non-verbal cues to be sure she didn't miss. Andy would never see the _imperfect_ Sharon again; of that she'd make sure. Hope. She hoped this ended well.

* * *

><p>Rusty still wasn't home by the time Andy knocked on her door. When she opened it, she saw he had the bag with him as she had requested. Stepping in, he put it on the floor. She reached for him, stopping herself midway.<p>

"Thank you for coming over," she said softly.

"No problem. We need to talk."

"Would you like coffee?" she asked hesitantly.

"Sure, thanks."

The silence in the kitchen was deafening. She didn't speak until the coffee was ready. He looked uncomfortable but didn't utter a word as she looked everywhere but at him. The one time he did catch her eyes, he saw the sadness and the regret. _This_ was his Sharon. _His_? Ah, hope, you're ever eternal.

Finally she spoke, "Can I -, may I -," taking a deep breath, she looked at him, "Andy, may I hug you?"

He was surprised at that. It was not at all what he had expected but he was still vacillating between hurt and anger so he answered, "Why?"

He saw the expressions change on her face; her eyes mist over; saw her hesitate to answer. "If this doesn't work out well," she paused, steadying herself on the counter, "I don't want last night to be the last time I hold you."

"You're killing me here, Sharon." He didn't move, didn't say anything more. He just looked conflicted.

Immediately she regretted the request. "I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable, Andy. I've done enough. I just thought if this doesn't end well you won't want to -, we won't -, and you'll just be gone."

God he loved her. "C'mere, Sharon." He held open his arms. She walked quickly into them, wrapping her own around his waist. His arms went around her back, one hand in her hair. They stood there, in her kitchen, holding each other for what might be the last time. Initially stiff with tension, they soon relaxed and eased into each other even more. Love. Hope. He kissed her temple; she moved up and kissed his neck. They went back to just holding each other. Their breathing matching now; inhaling each other's scents. Hiding their tears from each other. She moved her hand from his waist up behind his neck then over to caress his jaw. She kissed his neck again, kissed his jaw, and felt him move ever so slightly. The next kiss her lips met his. Slowly. Tentatively. Desire. The kiss became more passionate. When she whispered _Andy_ he moved away, pushed her away gently. "I can't, Sharon, I just can't."

He put distance between them once more. She whispered, "I'm sorry." That word again. _Sorry_.

"Don't say that word," he snapped. "The only way to have this talk is to not say that word." He rubbed his face, hard. "I'm serious, Sharon, I'll leave. I'll walk right out. I'm asking you for just two things here. Honesty and do not say the word _sorry_."

She was quiet, noticing his voice rise as he spoke. "Agreed."

He looked at her, watched her hold onto the counter again. Support. "I'm gonna yell at you."

She looked down at the floor. "I deserve it." He had expected more of a fight. Looking up, she continued, "I hurt you and while that was never my intention I did." She let go of the counter to allow her hands to move nervously. "I deserve your anger, Andy." God she was too good at this. She moved along the counter to finally get the coffee ready. Not wanting to invade his personal space, she left his mug at the end. "It's ready."

"Thanks." He walked over to grab the beverage and went back to his original spot.

"I never meant to hurt you, Andy."

"It's gonna take all night if we repeat ourselves, Sharon. I guess that's why I had to bring my bag.

The remark stung. "It was never just about needing you. I'm not denying I did but that was not the entire reason for making love with you."

He snorted, "Having sex."

Her eyes blazed. "No, Andy, we made love. Needing you gave me courage to act on my feelings. I wanted you. Or couldn't you tell?"

He shrugged, "Need feels like want."

"You didn't notice a change?" she asked sadly.

She had him there. He had definitely noticed a change in her. "Yeah, I did," he admitted.

"I wanted you, Andy," she said softly.

"You _needed_ me first, Sharon, and you didn't tell me." He banged her table. "We stood right here. Right here with Nicole." Pointing at her, "And you had me tell her I lied by misleading her, letting her think we were dating." He banged the table harder; she jumped and held on tight to the counter. "You needed me and you let me think you wanted me. You let me think we were moving into being a couple." He took a deep breath. Yelling at her, no matter how much she deserved it, was taking everything he had. "We made -, I thought we made love and without blinking an eye, you got up and asked me to leave." Behind the anger, the pain made itself heard.

"I panicked."

He wasn't a crier but he couldn't hide the tears in his eyes this time. "Oh that's just great! Not only were you _sorry_ it happened but it sent you into a damn panic attack too." He leaned over the table, both hands bracing him. "I feel much better now."

"I was never sor - for what we did, I was sor – for asking you to leave. Because I hadn't fully figured us out yet."

"Then why'd you take me to bed?" he yelled.

"Because I needed you," she spat out. "I _needed_ you, Andy, and I shouldn't have led you on. Why'd you come back?"

He didn't want to mention the text from Rusty. That damn text that made him check on her again. For the second time in one day. "You weren't doing well when I left."

"Why'd you have your bag?"

He shrugged, "I honestly don't know." He didn't; still hadn't figured that out. He ran his hand through his hair, the other arm stretching out as he spoke. "I wish I could answer that but I can't. Something made me think I'd be staying. I would've too but you took what I gave then sent me on my way when you were done." He was getting too damn old for this.

He thought his arm would land on the table for support. Instead it knocked the coffee mug to the floor. "Damnit! I'm sorry, Sharon, I didn't do that in anger. I have better control over my temper now than that." He pulled her table runner without thinking about what it was. Throwing it to the floor, he began mopping up the coffee.

"It's okay, Andy, I know you've changed." She pulled him up to a standing position and held him. "I know you've changed. I'll clean it."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to break it. To break to your stuff," he mumbled into her shoulder.

"You can't use that word either. I'll clean it." She held his face in both her hands. "I'll take care of it." She kissed him softly and began to move away. He grabbed her and kissed her deeply. When they moved apart, he whispered, "I'm sorry."

"_Neither_ of us can use that word today."

Moving to grab her cleaning supplies, she asked him to sit down. He looked unsteady. He sat with his head in his hands. Desire. Thank God he went to all those meetings. He'd probably need another after this.

She could tell he was softly crying. Her usually so-strong Andy was crying. When she was done, she stood by his chair and gently moved him sideways into her. Arms wrapped around what they could reach, they remained like that until she felt his body no longer tremble.

"You cleaned up after Jack. You don't have to clean up after me," he said finally.

"Yes, I cleaned up after Jack. Even after the divorce unfortunately," she sighed, "but I cleaned up _for_ you. You didn't mean it and your hands were shaking. I didn't want you to cut yourself."

[TBC]


	7. Chapter 6B

_**Promises and Pain- Ch 6B**_

**Disclaimer**: None of these characters are mine; James Duff, et al, has that lovely distinction.

**A/N**: Those scenes with Jack and Sharon were quite powerful. Tag to 3.17. I'm always happy to hear comments of any kind. Hope you enjoy!

~~~~~PT~~~~~

Moving back into the kitchen to give him space, she decided to change the subject for a while. "I went to the mountains this morning."

"Skiing?"

"No, I didn't feel like skiing. It was just traffic, hot chocolate, a nice old lady, memories and tears." He had asked for honesty; he was getting it.

"Memories of you and Jack?"

"Us, hence the tears."

"Oh," he hesitated, then added, "since we're being honest, me too, minus the hot chocolate and old lady."

She smiled briefly. "I had Rusty wait for the locksmith. He left my key in the mailbox so I could get in."

He seemed surprised. "You had the lock changed?"

"Yes."

"Good, I'll worry less." He rubbed his neck when he realized the last part slipped out. But he did worry about her and Jack showing up uninvited and letting himself in only made him worry more.

"Thank you."

"For worrying?" He made a face at her.

"For giving me time to think after The Nutcracker. For being patient with me and just being my friend while I figured things out. For not saying _I told you so_ about Jack." His scoff as he walked away stopped her list.

Following after him into the living room with her mug, she placed it on the coffee table. "Look at me, Andy, _please_."

"I can hear you just fine, Sharon."

"Don't be such a hardass, Flynn," she knew it was her IA Captain Raydor voice.

"Takes one to know one, Raydor," he countered. They had this exchange many times over the years. He turned and smiled weakly at her. "It's been awhile, huh?"

"Apparently too long," she said quietly, "I did get you to look at me though." She sat on the arm of the couch. "I can still feel you, Andy," she said in barely above a whisper.

He looked confused. "I'm a good lover."

"It's more than that. If I just _needed_ you, if there were no emotions behind it, I wouldn't have thought about you all day. I wouldn't still -," she cut herself off. "We wouldn't be doing _this_."

He gave her another sad lopsided smile. "You look good."

She was glad she had worn that particular outfit. "We both look awful and it's my fault but I _am_ trying to fix this, Andy." She stood and moved closer to him. When he took a step back before she could reach him, she thought it was time to bring up Jack. After all _he_ was the reason they ended up here. "I went to see Jack when I got back. I spoke up for myself, finally. I made it clear he is _not_ welcome here," she paused, "or really at work though I can't completely ban him from there as an attorney."

"That's good, I'm glad. You needed to do that. For _yourself_." Sadness clouded his features. "You weren't yourself yesterday."

"No, I wasn't. But I was with you…last night." She took another step towards him. This time he didn't move away. "I took the day off to reflect on everything and to give you time away from me. I was able to convince the locksmith to make an emergency lock change. That's why it was done today."

He wasn't sure what to say to that. "That costs extra."

"It was worth it." She took another step towards him. "_You_ were worth it."

"Sharon, -."

"I _wanted_ you last night, Andy. I panicked when you said you love me."

"So you heard me," he said quietly.

"Yes, but I was so _afraid_ to be hurt again that I hurt _you_ instead. I _never_ meant to do that. I didn't mean to ruin the first time we made love." She rubbed her temple, knew she was rambling, speaking too fast but she wanted to get all of this across to him before he cut her off in anger again or stopped hearing her to numb his pain. "I can't give you a better memory of last night but I can moving forward."

"I hear ya, Sharon, I do, and it _does_ made a difference to me." He took a step towards her, still leaving distance between them. He looked her up and down. "You're usually barefoot at home. You kept your boots on." He smiled, a real one this time, "Pulling out all the stops, huh?"

She flushed. "I know you like this outfit and my hair natural." Taking a deep breath, she continued, "I love you too, Andy, and I _am_ trying to fix _us_ so yes I am pulling out all the stops." Her fingers flapping, she nervously asked, "Is it working?"

"_You love me_?" The pain was back in his eyes, mixing with confusion.

"I almost told you last night but I panicked. And then I didn't know what to do if you stayed." _Rambling again, Sharon_, she told herself. "I behaved very badly and without thinking clearly. I was an emotional wreck yesterday. It's not an excuse, Andy, but you know me well enough by now. I am _not_ an emotional person."

He shook his head in agreement. "No, you're not. You're very controlled, Sharon."

"I almost text it to you today but I owed you to at least say it in person. To take the anger and the sadness. To take you walking out on your own. I love you, Andy. Give me a chance to fix us, _please_." As she finished, her voice so low she hoped he heard her.

He remained silent for a long while. Finally, he responded, "I love you, Sharon. I shouldn't have told you for the first time while we were in bed. I wasn't even _looking_ at you. I didn't want to see if you didn't feel it too."

Caressing his face, "We seem to be getting soft in our old age, Flynn."

"Hey, speak for yourself, Raydor, I'm as hard as I've ever been." Patting his stomach, "Well maybe not here." He smiled at her and said softly, "Get over here." Moving into his arms, she kissed him passionately. Hands moving over each other. Groans escaping. When he growled _I want you_ and she responded _You have me_, they momentarily forgot she didn't live alone.

As he was moving her onto the couch, they seemed to remember simultaneously. "When's Rusty getting in?"

"I'm not sure."

He kissed softly. "If we knew, we could stay right here. Our bed is too far."

Her eyes opened wide. "_Our_ bed?" She smiled at him.

Unsure, he teased, "Too soon?" She wasn't ready for this yet. _Still?_ Hope.

"We'll see," she whispered as she pulled him in for another kiss. Desire. His hands slid under her shirt, cupping her breasts, caressing her nipples. Her hand stroked him, eliciting a groan.

"Let's take tomorrow off," he suggested breathlessly. "It's Friday. We can have a long weekend together."

He felt her stiffen before she pulled away. "I don't know if that's such a good idea, Andy."

His anger and hurt were making a re-appearance. "Taking the day? Or spending the weekend together?"

She could hear the pain in his voice. "I've been told I am not the easiest person to live with," she explained sadly. "I prefer not to frighten you away so quickly." He saw the tears well up in her eyes. _Jack_. _Again_. "You'll probably be running home by Monday."

Caressing her cheek, "I doubt it, unless I'm running home here. I don't find you difficult, Sharon…_usually_."

"I don't want you to learn I am."

"Not knowing what else to do, he put his arms around her. "I'm not Jack. There's no reason to think you and I will learn the same lessons you two did," he paused, "or that me and my ex-wife did. We have our own stuff to learn."

In one fluid motion, she grabbed him into a long, breathtakingly passionate kiss. This whole day had been liberating for her. She was finally starting to feel _free_ – free to be herself, to love Andy, to give in to parts of her long since buried for safety and matters of practicality. Then moving slightly from him, she spoke softly, "If that's really true than I have something for you."

She began walking toward the kitchen. Curious he followed her as far as the dining area. Watching her closely, he still couldn't see what she was bringing to him. She put it into his hand and moved back. "If you aren't running by Monday, you can use it whenever you'd like." Feeling self-conscious now, she added in a lower voice, "I had it made for you just in case today was successful."

He was smiling as he slipped the key, her new key to her new lock, into his pocket. "So the weekend together then?"

"If you think you can handle it, yes, including tomorrow."

He pulled her to him. Kissing her for a long time, he finally turned her around; her back to his chest. Kissing her neck, his hands went around her, opening her jeans. One hand made its way to her center and began moving slowly at first, the tempo increasing with each response she gave him. He heard her whisper _Andy_ as she gave into her release. Reclosing her jeans, he turned her back around.

She kissed him deeply and began opening his pants. Smiling he told her, "Your bed is too far."

"_Our_ bed," she corrected just before he felt her mouth on him. He let out a groan, began holding onto the chair for support as she slowly drove him close to frenzy.

God he loved her. Desire. "Let's go to bed, Sharon," he barely breathed out. He reclosed his trousers as she stood up. Taking her hand, he led her to the hall, grabbed his bag quickly and resumed the path to her room.

Upon entering he dropped his bag as she locked the door. He asked, "Are you going to attack me again?" as she pulled him in for a deep kiss, unbuttoning his shirt quickly and sliding it off him.

"Yes," she answered breathlessly, "do you mind?"

"Not at all," he forced out as he pulled her shirt over her head.

They finished undressing themselves hurriedly and moved onto her bed. _Their_ bed now. He wanted that much and she could give it to him. She noticed that he wasn't making any moves beyond kissing her with all the passion and desire he could no longer hide. Desire. "I _want_ you, Andy."

"I want you too, Sharon," he managed to say.

Caressing his face, "Hey, I _love_ you, Andy," she whispered. She saw his eyes take on an extra shine. God she had hurt him last night.

"I love you too, Sharon." This time they had looked at each other as they proclaimed their true feelings and neither regretted it.

As he moved into her, she whispered, "Stay with me, Andy. I don't want you to go home tonight." That was all he needed. In his younger days he might've been angrier, sulked more, and definitely yelled more. Probably would've deliberately broken that coffee mug by throwing it.

With age comes wisdom. The wisdom that life is too short to waste on anger, to delay lovemaking for arguments and to risk losing this second chance for both of them.

He decided _this_ would be the first time they made love. Last night he was her friend and she had needed him. Today starts the beginning of their life together as a couple. _Today_ they were making love.

[TBC]


	8. Chapter 7

_**Promises and Pain- Ch 7**_

**Disclaimer**: None of these characters are mine; James Duff, et al, has that lovely distinction.

**A/N**: Those scenes with Jack and Sharon were quite powerful. Tag to 3.17. I'm always happy to hear comments of any kind. Hope you enjoy!

A/N 2: Really wanted fluff and happiness to round this whole thing out so here it is. Thanks for your reviews, favorites and follows. They were a bright spot during these last few snowy days.

~~~~~PT~~~~~

It had taken them three times to get to this point, this place where they now were. It had taken anger, harsh words, whispers and caresses. It had taken tears together and separately for them to reach their final understanding of what they were. More than friends, so much more, lovers in fact, but it had taken them three times to get that settled between them. To be comfortable with their new relationship beginning and their pasts put where they belonged.

* * *

><p>That night they had spoken with Rusty about their relationship and informed him that Andy would be around more often; starting with spending the weekend with Sharon. Of course, he was happy for both of them, but mostly Sharon, and not the least bit surprised about this new development. While they were eating dinner together, he noticed the new looks, the smiles and touches. Most importantly, to him anyway, was the way Flynn looked at Sharon, his mother. Even <em>he<em> could tell they were in love and happy. Sharon was _happy_.

Sharon had asked Andy to text Provenza before she called out again for the next day. He had showed her the exchange.

_She loves me too_. _Take yourself out of the bet_. Oh God. I mean good for you, Flynn. No! It's based on dates you guys started not when I found out.

_Thanks_. _We're good_. _You have a conflict, my friend_. Glad to hear it. Don't want to see it though. No mushy-mushy when I'm over to watch the games. No conflict. I guessed too early anyway. So I've lost.

_I'll make sure I really kiss her during the game just for you_. I'm gonna be sick. You coming in tomorrow or you too busy being in love?

_I'm out tomorrow. __The kids showed me how to do that_. Okay, have a good weekend. Damn smiley face. Love. I'm gonna be sick.

When he had seen her name calling him, Provenza answered with, "You fixed it."

"I did," she answered softly. "I'm glad I could."

"Me, too. You out tomorrow? Flynn's staying home to be in love so I guess you are too."

"It would only make sense, Lt Provenza, that I stay home too."

"Gah, don't put nightmarish images in my head. Have a good weekend, Captain."

"Thank you, Lt, you do as well."

"Oh, and Captain? He sounds happy. Stupid smiley face text. Keep him that way."

"I certainly intend to and the smiley is cute."

"Gah," he said as he hung up.

They snuggled up on the couch, Sharon reading while Andy watched a game. Sneaking in kisses throughout the plays, he was glad for instant replay and rewind. Not that he minded snuggling and kissing during the game, he admitted to himself, even when he missed the best play of the night because he couldn't break away from her. They had come pretty close to making love on the couch until they remembered Rusty was in his bedroom and might come out for something to drink. He had trouble concentrating on the game after that though he pretended he was.

* * *

><p>Friday she took him for a thorough tour of her neighborhood. He knew her favorite places to eat and to do some of her food shopping. He had discovered these as her friend. But this tour included everything including the dry cleaner she used. He had suggested that maybe sometimes he could handle some of the errands.<p>

Smiling, she had told him, "Of course, that's why I'm showing you all the mundane parts of my life you never knew about as my friend." Kissing him, she had asked in follow up, "Are you still sure you want to spend an entire weekend with me, Andy?"

His response was to grab the items she had just picked up and place them in his trunk. "You ain't getting rid of me that quickly. I can handle errands." As he turned on the ignition, he said, "Oh speaking of errands. We gotta stop at my place. I only brought enough to get me through today. I'm wearing a damn suit on my day off, Sharon."

Laughing, she watched as he merged into traffic, cutting someone off. She decided to ignore it. He already knew what she thought of his driving habits sometimes. "The things you do for me, Andy. You can show me your neighborhood then."

"Uh-uh, first of all, I already have and second of all, I'm gonna be at your place so I gotta know _your_ neighborhood."

"If you keep talking like that, it'll be _our_ neighborhood soon enough."

Taking her hand, "That scare you?"

She thought before answering. "Before it would have. Now it doesn't. We're okay, Andy."

"Good, let's go get me some more clothes."

"After that I'm taking you out to dinner. I'm hungry."

He started to argue about paying until she teasingly reminded him he's wearing a suit on his day off and he'd be wearing it the next day too if she didn't pay. He reluctantly relented. Then it occurred to him that _he_ was driving _his_ car so he'd be able get his clothes. "I'll focus your energy on other things and you'll forget why we went there." He had happily agreed to let her pay then though he still wanted her to focus his energies elsewhere when they got to his place.

* * *

><p>Saturday they spent the day cleaning house before he took her out to the movies. He couldn't help but notice that it was pretty easy to clean her place when it's <em>already<em> clean to begin with.

Most of the time was spent rearranging her bedroom. She had to make space for him in her closet and her dresser as well as set up the other bedside table for him and make some room in her bathroom for his personal items.

It had occurred to her the day before to ask him why he had so much stuff but she hadn't wanted to start anything. Plus she was hungry and the sooner they left his place, the sooner she would eat. But today, as she was helping him put his belongings away, she got the nerve to ask. "Is this all of your clothing, Andy?"

He looked nervous. "No, but is it still too much?"

"I think you might be running out of here before you wear it all but it's fine with me."

"I managed to get you to include me in your most precious of places, your closet, you really think I'm not planning on spending as much time here as I can?"

"I just think after two weekends and a whole week in between, you'll see that my life is pretty normal and boring, according to Rusty."

"I'm good with normal and boring. I'm also good with errands and cooking and cleaning." He pulled her to him. "I'm also good with kissing and making love whenever we want to and saying _I love you_ in person, not over the phone." He had kissed her then, passionately, and when she responded with everything she had, he had thought of moving her to the bed. Instead he had pulled away slightly. Just enough to tease, "I not only made _that_ our bed but _this_ our room."

He smiled at her and she melted but then reality reared in her head. "You work very quickly, Andy, I'm just afraid that as quick as it happened, that's how quickly it'll burn out."

"Because that's what happened to both of us with our exes. Not gonna happen to _us_. We know better. And, Sharon, seriously, we happened quickly? Cuz I seem to recall a little white lie to Nicole that lasted about a year."

"That was our friendship becoming more. Our feelings deepening over time. But this…this is _fast_."

"I'm not moving in. Yet, anyway. I'm not trying to scare you, Sharon. I'm _actually_ trying to show you that I'm not gonna be running off the first time you're reading some boring book while one of the best games is on TV. Which, wait, that already happened and I'm still here." He kissed her. "If you want me to take the stuff back,…"

"I don't," she cut him off, "let's make this _our_ bedroom before we leave for the movies. I get to pick."

"Don't you always?" he smirked.

Raising her eyes to the ceiling, she replied, "Normally, yes, but you always seem to enjoy them as well in the end."

"Yeah, you do have good taste. You picked me to date after all." He smiled as he grabbed more clothes to hang up. "You sure you're good with this? Cuz I can…"

"I'm fine, I'm good, whichever word will reassure you that I have no qualms about you moving in or rather your stuff moving in."

"One foot in the door," he called from the closet. "We ain't as young as we used to be, Raydor."

"Stuff it, Flynn," she laughed.

"Oh, it's been years since you've used that one on me." Popping his head out, he asked, "Do you realize we could make love in this closet of yours? I'm just saying."

"You are bound and determined to make love everywhere in this condo, aren't you?" She smiled despite herself.

"Slowly making it _our_ place. Give me a few months, Sharon. If you can still stand me by then and aren't chasing me out the door with a rolling pin, it'll be our place."

Standing with her hands on her hips, "A rolling pin? Really?"

"You bake so you've got one of those."

"Yes, but it doesn't mean I'm going to chase you with it. I've never once done that, with anyone."

"Even those who deserved it?"

"Yes, even those," she said as she sat on the bed.

"Good, I'm safe then." Picking up the last suit, he announced, "Thanks for helping me, I'm done. We are free to go fulfill your _occasional_ taste for theatre popcorn."

"And the movie itself."

"Oh, I've discovered your secret, Sharon," he teased coming back into the room, "you secretly want the theatre popcorn and the only way to get it was to make these movies sound like the greatest thing on earth."

"Not true," she pulled him onto the bed with her now. Kissing him, she whispered huskily, "Do you know what I want more than theatre popcorn right now?"

"I can't imagine," he smirked as her hands moved over him. "You might have to be more explicit."

Laughing, she whispered in his ear enough details to make even him flush with excitement. "We might be going to a later movie," he said as they began working on removing each other's clothing.

* * *

><p>Sunday she had invited him to join her and Rusty at Church. He'd have felt guilty if he said no, nervous if he said yes. It had been a while since he'd gone there and there was always that odd little worry about the building collapsing on him. In the end he joined them.<p>

He was halfway through the Mass when he held her hand. Hearing the lady behind them muttering something about bringing a new man with her to Church, he turned around and whispered _At least she's got a man, a man who loves her _causing Rusty to softly chuckle and Sharon to glare at all three of them. "What? We can hold hands in Church, Sharon, they changed the rules, ya know."

Pursing her lips, she knew that wasn't an argument she'd win. She looked around. The younger adults were doing it all the time. "You win, Andy." She took his hand in her own.

After having breakfast at the diner, Rusty had plans so they had the rest of the day to themselves. After making love in parts other than their room, they were settled down eating lunch when the call from Provenza came in. "Weekend's over, Captain. I'm not even bothering to call Flynn. You can update him on the way over here."

"Thank you, Lt, text me the details of where I'm going and why I'm going to a crime scene when you are perfectly capable of handling it yourself."

"Taylor's here."

"Enough said." She hung up her phone, kissed Andy, and said, "Weekend's over, Andy, duty calls and Taylor's already there."

"Oh for crying out loud," he grumbled.

"We'll have the whole week and next weekend together if your clothes are any indication," she smiled as she got ready to leave. "We'll take one car. It's Sunday, our day off, I really don't care right now."

"This is gonna be _our_ place in _no_ time." He smiled and kissed her once more before opening the door for them.

Back to reality but home life was nice, _very_ nice.

[The End]


End file.
